


A Commander first, a man second.

by mentalriot



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Romance, Rough Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:18:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentalriot/pseuds/mentalriot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exploring Cullen and the Inquisitor's relationship, with a few bumps and turns thrown in. Mostly follows the storyline (so far) but twists off the path a few times. Cullen wants to protect his Inquisitor as his past comes up to haunt them, but how can he when she has to throw herself in danger to save the world?<br/>*Spoilers*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in many years, so criticism is more than welcome, but please be gentle!
> 
> Mostly follows Dragon Age Inquisition, but definitely twists off the path. I just wanted to explore the romance between Cullen and the Inquisitor a bit more.

Chapter 1

The mage stood tall, holding her staff with an unwavering and unnerving look on her face. Her skin was pale and flawless. She always looked lit from within; like the moonlight truly came from her. Golden red hair was braided carelessly and cut short. Naturally ruby lips formed a smile that was unbecoming of her soft face. He would never forget her eyes. Large, green and deer like; they always pierced him with their softness underneath all of the intensity.

But not this time.

They were harsh and cruel. There was no kindness, no light behind them. A flame danced in the pool of her eyes when they ran over the bodies around her.  
Cullen saw his friends, charred and dead around her feet. His heart ached like someone was holding it a bit too tightly. All of his adrenaline he normally felt during battle had drained out of him and left him with a lump in his throat.

“Cullen.” Her voice was light and sweet and cut like a dagger. He lifted his eyes from the body to meet hers. 

“Cullen, you’re next.” The teasing sound of her sweet voice seemed to drip from her mouth.

His head cleared and his guard went up. “Marie, your crimes will not go unpunished!”

She laughed at him. “My crimes? I think I’m doing the world a favor, wiping all of the scum off of the earth. And you? You’re next. You’re nothing but a fool; weak and helpless!” Her laugh became shrill. “You couldn’t even save the ones you love! You couldn’t even tell them you loved them before they died!”

He drew his sword and took a step forward. I will die before I let her hurt another, he vowed to himself. Like fate, his eyes went down to one of the bodies. Cassandra? Cassandra Pentaghaust? Why was she here? Why wasn’t she back at Haven with the…

Hold it. 

“You demon!” He shouted. Marie laughed and a burst of flame came from her. He felt the searing heat hit him-

-and he was awake. He cursed as he sat up, instantly ready for battle. Sweat poured from his body and his heart was pounding. The nightmares. The fucking nightmares. That wasn’t even the worst one. He sat still for a few minutes before reflecting on the dream and the beautiful girl in it. Marie. Marie was not a killer; at least not unless someone deserved it. She was a mage, the hero of Ferelden, a grey warden and the only woman he had ever loved. 

The reality was almost worse than the nightmare. It was cruel that he’d have to live but to never again have her. It was just as cruel that she had taken another lover, and that the love was more intense than anything she had ever felt for him- perhaps more intense than what he felt for her.

He knew he was idolizing her. Not seeing her in so long had done that- she was a goddess to him. He sighed. He was being foolish. To be honest, he was happy for her, and grateful for her support and friendship. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about her. From loving her. From dreaming about her- both good and bad. He almost shivered as he thought about the cold look in his nightmares. It seemed his inner demons were getting stronger from the lack of lyrium. 

Cullen strode out from his tent. It had been a long couple of days, and he heard the woman who fell out of the rift was up. People were talking about her and how she closed the rift and also of her amazing fighting style. She fought with two daggers, with unusual grace and strength, even for a rogue. She was fluid in her movements and quick to deliver a killing blow. She fought without hesitation and without doubt.

None of this made Cullen trust her. He certainly believed Solas when Solas told her she wasn’t a mage or a demon. But something didn’t add up. He’d seen enough demons and torture in his lifetime and was hesitant to be lenient when the situation could lead to more. He rubbed the back of his head and started walking towards the war room, trying to hide his shaking, lyrium craving body from everyone around him.

Cullen had seen this so called "Herald", obviously. He glanced her briefly before charging with his troops to the temple of the Sacred Ashes. She had a strong presence but only spoke when prompted. She was covered in dirt; her clothes were formal and not meant for battle. Between all of that and the chaos around them, he didn’t actually get a look at her at all. It occurred to him that he might not recognize her at all.

The chantry. Cullen felt a warm feeling as he stepped in, striding past those who were seeking refuge with the Inquisition. He scarcely felt the gazes of many faces as he walked by. His mind was busy; he was completely isolated emotionally. He offered friendship, protection, and leadership, but not much more. He pushed open the door to the War Room.  
Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra stood in the center, huddled together. They were speaking in low voices. The door slammed shut behind Cullen and all of them looked up. 

“Is the Herald here?” Cullen asked, noting her absence. “I understood she was supposed to be here.”

“She is on her way.” Cassandra replied. Cullen nodded and stepped forward. He leaned forward and looked at the map with a sigh that was a bit heavier than he expected.  
“Commander?” He looked over at Josephine. Her face was worried. “Are you alright? You look tired.”

He smiled. “Is that different than normal?”

Josephine smiled as well, but it faded quickly as concern once again washed over it. “You look rather... disturbed this morning.” 

“I’m afraid my dreams have not been kind to me, Josephine. But it is of no concern.” He saw Cassandra’s eyes flash at his reply. He kept his gaze at the table. Josephine seemed to accept his answer and turned to talk to Leliana. Cassandra started to say something when the War Room door was pushed open again.

“Commander, may I present to you the Herald of Andraste.”

Cullen saw the Herald blush slightly, but she held her composure and walked over them. Even a fool could tell that she was a highly trained rogue. She didn’t necessarily walk; it was more of a glide. There was an ease in her movements; a fluid dance. This woman could slit a throat before the victim noticed. 

“Pleased to meet you.” Cullen looked up and realized he was being introduced to her. She was focused on him; she must have spoken to him. He scolded himself on getting lost in his thoughts. A lack of concentration and focus could be deadly. He had to be present at all times. “Likewise.” He responded.

He turned his focus to Cassandra and Leliana as they laid out plans and spoke. Over Leliana’s shoulder, he could have sworn he saw the demon from his dream watching him.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun splashed a warm light on Cullen’s face. It felt like blanket; a rare comfort in these dark times. But the usual warm feeling he got was absent; the sky was green and evil. The rift made the sun’s heat feel cruel, like fire. He sighed, opened his eyes and turned around. Cullen jumped; he hadn’t seen the Herald standing behind him. Bloody hell, he hadn’t even heard her coming.

She looked concerned. “I’m sorry; did I startle you?”

He crossed his arms and laughed. “Yes, actually. It must be unbecoming to have the commander caught off guard.” 

The Herald smiled, and then looked past Cullen. “I was actually coming out to try to gather some elfroot and Iron; we could use some healing potions and armor upgrades. I was told to try in this area.”

Cullen nodded. “Yes, typically you can find those supplies further in the wilderness. We have the area around Haven fairly secured.” He paused, and added, “well, as secure as it can be, given the circumstances.” He focused on her. He hadn’t really looked at her in the poorly lit War Room and had been so distracted he looked straight past her when she was introducing herself. He found himself a bit awestruck in a way he hadn’t been since he last saw-

No. He wouldn’t go comparing the two women. Marie… the Hero of Feralden had him focusing on women who resembled her. He’d pick them apart; study them to see if any could compare. The Herald was different. Her hair was black, pulled back in a careless fashion. He didn’t realize how unnaturally beautiful she was. In fact, he couldn’t recall the last time he saw a woman that even compared to her, before Marie. Her crisp, grey eyes stared into him, gathering information, taking in his form. He felt as if she was reading him, and perhaps even his thoughts. She had the fullest, softest lips he had ever seen, and high cheek bones that made her look like a goddess. Her body was hidden under her armor, but he couldn’t ignore her stance. She stood like a warrior- her whole presence oozed power and confidence. Cullen never considered himself a charmer in the first place, but he was now downright speechless. 

The Herald cleared her throat. “I’d best be going.” 

Cullen nodded. “Safe travels, Herald.” And walked past her towards Haven. He didn’t look back, although he wanted to. Internally, he was dazzled. There was no need to acknowledge this, though. He’d keep that feeling inside, hidden, where it belonged.

 

The Herald moved quickly through the wilderness, cutting elfroot with little effort, moving as swiftly as possible. She wanted to collect it quickly, so she could have some peace by herself. Once she had gathered all she could find, she sighed and sat down on a rock. The cold snow crunched beneath her boots. Elfroot can grow in any environment, which was good. The plant was essential and they were lucky to have so much growing so close. 

She looked up at the rift. It was funny; she wanted alone time so badly- in fact, she craved it. She sought out a private spot to sit and try to catch up with her thoughts, to focus and to comprehend what had happened. But now that she was sitting here she could feel herself instantly panic and she felt her heart ache. Images she had ignored started to rise up and she put her head in her hands. She felt her breathing get more desperate and wasn’t able to stifle a sob that came out.

She held herself, shaking and sobbing, for a few minutes. This is weakness. She thought. This is weakness but I must let it pass. If I don’t feel it now I’ll feel it when I’m not alone and that… that would be unbearable. She barely made it into Haven but she knew she had to be the strong one.

In a matter of days everyone started looking up to her. She felt gazes upon her constantly. People approached her and spoke to her every minute. It was true that the Herald knew how to mingle and socialize well. After all, she was a noble. However, even in her past no one necessarily looked up to her. At least, not like this.

Her breathing slowed and she looked up again. She felt more calm; more focused. She stared at the rift for longer than she should have. She felt her hand start to burn and throb more rapidly than before. She sighed. She better get back. She couldn’t run off like this; she couldn’t seek solitude like she used to. Things had changed; her role in the world changed. The pressure was enormous and she had a constant fear in her chest. But at the same time she had an odd thought:

It’s a great feeling to be needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Days turned to weeks; weeks turned to months. Eventually, her heart started swelling when she saw Cullen. His slow smile, the way he rubbed the back of his neck when she attempted to flirt with him… these things kept her going. She made friends and enemies; she felt the world looking at her in awe. The one face she wanted to see beaming at her was Cullen’s. He made no advances and gave no hints that he had any affection towards her. Hints and flirting seemed to get her nowhere. She kept her focus; she fought hard. She conscripted the mages of Redcliff to the Inquisition. This last move was against her better judgement- her heart went out to the mages. But her paranoia was strong.  
On another level, she wondered how Cullen, a former Templar, would feel if she hadn’t of conscripted them. It seemed silly that she would wonder what he thought of her. The Herald felt like a school girl with a school girl crush. One day, it seemed to change. 

The Herald sat, looking at the aftermath of the situation. The celebrations were on; the mages helped Haven, and all was well. And yet everything felt wrong. A heavy feeling hung in her heart. Something wasn’t right. 

“Are you alright?” She spun around to see Cullen behind her. “How long were you behind me?” She asked.

“Not long.” He looked her up and down. She felt her throat tighten slightly. He was so handsome. She cleared her throat.

“I’m surprised I didn’t hear you with that armor on. Do you ever take it off?”

A blush spread through Cullen’s face and the Herald realized what had gone through his mind at her last words. Good. Maybe the image of him with that armor off and her on top of him will stir things up. 

“Anyways, I’m fine. I just… something doesn’t feel right.” She hung her head down. They both sat in silence for a moment that lasted just a bit too long. She turned to walk away when she heard his voice ring behind her.

“This… this is embarrassing to admit. But I realized I’ve never known your first name. I’ve heard you referred to as Lady Trevelyan. But no one has told me your name and I never thought to ask.”

A bitter feeling spread through the Herald’s heart. No one had really bothered. She had a title- hell, she was a title. Not a fucking person. She turned around and looked at Cullen. “Evelyn.”

His smile caused a smile on her own face as she turned to walk away. 

It took only moments before all hell broke loose.

All she saw was black.

Cullen.

She saw his face so clearly for a second before it faded.

Cullen…

She wanted to reach out; to touch him. Why couldn’t she? He was just out of arms reach…

“CULLEN!”

Evelyn’s scream even startled herself as she shot up. Instantly she regretted the quick movement as she groaned and clutched her side. Maker, where was she?

Carefully this time, she sat up and tried to look around. She cursed, realizing her eyes needed to adjust. The beautiful image of her commander had faded fully, and she realized she was in a cave. Her mind raced as she tried to remember what happened. The elder one… people fleeing Haven…

Haven. Shit.

How was she still alive? When she agreed to stay back she didn’t expect to make it out. She had already called to Andraste, made a prayer to the maker and came to a certain peace with her death. The urge to lie down and curl up in the cold was almost overwhelming, but Evelyn couldn’t. She was a fighter and always would be. Standing up slowly, she moved forward through the cave.

“She’s here!” Cullen’s head snapped up as he heard those words and he ran over to the group. He felt a pang in his heart as he saw her there. She was half frozen, collapsed in the snow. She wasn’t shaking anymore and he feared the worst. He was at her side, instantly, as if he was a rogue himself. He scooped her up and held her close as they hurried to get her to warmth


	4. Chapter 4

The next night made it clear she would stabilize. She was frozen, bruised and broken… but she was alive.

He sat next to her bed, his mouth rested on his crossed hands. He stared at her unconscious form. So vulnerable, yet still radiating strength. Her hand was pulsing; the glowing green on it looked painful, yet her face looked strangely peaceful. He held his head down, pressing his forehead into his hands. 

“Maker.” He looked up again at her. “I failed you.” He whispered. 

His heart burned as he remembered her, racing out the chantry door into danger. She was willing to sacrifice everything to save the people of Haven… and he had to let her. All he gave her was a brief look before he turned to give orders. He couldn’t bear to look at her any longer, knowing that if he did he would pull her in and tell her not to go. He wanted so badly to hold her, to tell her how he felt, to mention this strange affection he had for her, even though he didn’t really know her at all. 

But he couldn’t. Even at the chantry, he had to let her go. He was a commander first, a man second. A leader- a strategist. He had seen the consequences of hesitation in Kirkwall, just as he experienced the consequences beforehand in Ferelden. But those thoughts didn’t lift the heaviness on his heart. He was torn between the desire to protect himself and the desire to protect her. 

She stirred slightly and let out a pained moan. Her eyes fluttered open and looked weakly at him. 

“Cullen?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes Evelyn. I’m still here.”

She looked at him for a moment before shutting her eyes again and rolling over. He knew every movement hurt. He watched her for a moment.

“I’m always going to be here for you.” He whispered, looking down at her. 

Months had gone by. They were in Skyhold now. A bit of stability would do everyone good. Evelyn was gone often, sent on missions from the War Table. Cullen thought of her often, more than he would admit. He had apologized to her; promised to never fail her again. Her wide eyes had shown acceptance of his words. They had spoken over a game of chess where she expressed a desire to get close to him. He was caught off guard with how happy that made him.

But lately she had been distracted and troubled. Her time in the War Room was brief and to the point. She didn’t dwell on strategy; she didn’t question decisions. She kept quiet, accepted missions and advice and moved on. Cullen ached to speak to her, to question what was happening to her. Why was she withdrawing? She was withdrawing from everyone, but it hurt to feel that she was withdrawing from him. 

Frustrated, he ripped open a scroll a bit too fast and cursed. His pride wouldn’t let him approach her right now. He understood what it meant to need to be alone, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He wondered often what was happening when she was out. Did something happen to her? He questioned her traveling party before. He didn’t mention specifics, but expressed desires for details. Leliana let him read the reports. Nothing of note… so what had forced her back into the wall like this?

“Commander?” The Herald’s voice surprised him. He turned to look at her. Funny, he had been thinking about how he never saw her, how closed off she was and here she is. He was taken aback by the sadness in her eyes. Her hair, usually pulled back, was down and messy. He studied her cautiously. Her rough life style was showing through. Her grey eyes looked wounded, hurt. And yet, in this vulnerable state, she was more beautiful than he had ever seen her. 

“Is everything alright, Inquisitor?”

She sighed and leaned against his doorway. “May I come in, Commander?”

“Of course.” He nodded towards a chair by his desk and she gratefully came in and sat down. They didn’t say anything for a bit, but the silence didn’t feel awkward. Finally she spoke.

“Tell me about Samson.”

He gave her a hard look. “I have briefed you about him and the situation at hand. What more did you want to know?”

She cleared her throat. “How did you know him? How well?”

“Not very well.” He responded. 

She accepted this answer and the silence returned.

“Inquisitor, was there something you wanted to discuss?”

Her mouth opened like she was going to speak and then closed again. She gave a sad laugh. “No. Is that horrible of me?”

“Why would it be horrible of you?” He inquired.

She smiled at him. “I’m wasting your time. I’m here with no purpose.”

He stood up and came closer to her, looking her seriously in the eyes. “Evelyn, any time with you is not wasted.”

She smiled again, and some of the sadness was gone.

He kept looking at her, feeling his expression soften. “Are you alright? I’ve noticed you’ve seemed… withdrawn. Is this about the assassination attempt on Celene? Attending the ball? Things are risky, but rest assured we are as prepared as we can be to stop this and foil Corypheus.”

She looked up at him again and shook her head. “Cullen I just feel… overwhelmed.” She stood up and looked out of his open door, out into the darkness. The snow was falling so silently; most of Skyhold appeared to be asleep. They would never hear it this quiet again.  
Evelyn turned back around and looked at Cullen. “I know, considering all we’ve been through, it’s selfish and stupid for me to panic. I’ve been trying to appear strong; a true leader.” She looked outside again. “But Cullen, I’m scared. I’m exhausted. I’m… overwhelmed. How can I be a good leader when I feel so weak?”

His laughter surprised her. “Lady Inquisitor, you are hardly weak. And you needn’t feel guilty for being exhausted.” He stepped closer. “Everyone looks to you for saving. You have lost everything; been vilified and idolized. You have stepped up when most would fall or turn away. You aren’t weak.”

She smiled at him. “I suppose I just needed to hear that from you.” She paused as she realized how it sounded. She had fought a hundred battles, faced down so many enemies; it almost amused her that one person could inspire such anxiety just by existing. 

He had heard her words and held them to his heart. He stepped close to her and put his hand on her shoulder as she faced him. They gazed at each other for a moment, and he put his hand on her face and instantly she saw affection in his eyes. Just as quickly as it happened, the moment was gone and he stepped away. 

She looked down and smiled. “Goodnight Cullen.”

He had a quizzical expression on his face. “Was that all?”

“Yes.” She laughed, and it was a real laugh with no sadness. “I suppose that was.” She turned and was gone.

Cullen sat down and continued to work, a smile playing on his lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today!

Evelyn woke up screaming and clutching her hand. She doubled over, sweat dripping down her face. She had been having nightmares and her hand hurt worse than ever. It was glowing that sickly green and throbbing. She was gasping for air, heaving. Minutes felt like hours as she sat there, drenched in sweat. The glowing faded some, as did the pain.   
She sighed. Her body wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. Reluctantly she rolled out of bed, throwing on a warmer outfit and slipping her feet into her boots. I might as well get a drink, she thought.

She felt her heart warm as she saw Varric sitting at the bar. “May I join you?”

He chuckled. “When do I ever say no to that?” 

She smiled, sat down and ordered some Ale.

They chatted for a bit, keeping it light hearted. Varric was a good friend; how he kept his sense of humor up she’d never know. As the conversation slowed down, she decided to bring up something she had wanted to mention since she learned a bit of Varric’s history.

“Tell me about Cullen.” She said, trying to appear nonchalant as she took a sip of her drink.

His eyebrows shot up. “Cullen, eh? Why do you want to know about Cullen?”

She shrugged. “I just was curious about Kirkwall. I know he was heavily involved and you knew him then.”

A slow smile crept onto Varric’s face and Evelyn groaned. 

“You want to know about his sexy curls? His manly body?” 

“Varric…” she said, warning him. 

He looked at her, smiling. “Well, if you don’t want to know about his rippling body…” She groaned again. “… what do you want to know?”

She looked into her drink for awhile. “What was he like? In Kirkwall?”

Varric laughed. “Intense. Focused. He always did the right thing. He had the best of intentions- even when he was wrong. The Champion- Hawke- would butt heads with him a lot- she was always on the side of the mages, and Cullen was a Templar. But they always respected each other, and in the end he fought with her.”

“Tell me about the Champion.”

“Hawke? Hawke was brilliant. There isn’t a woman in the world like her. Sarcastic, charming and she got shit done. She was definitely the kind that rooted for the underdog. She always stood up for what was right.”

Evelyn stared into her glass. “I heard that she was absolutely lovely.”

“Varric let out a sharp laugh. “She was, for a human. Not necessarily my style, but definitely lovely.”

“Do you think the Commander thinks so?”

Varric looked at her as she continued stammering, trying to sound nonchalant. “What I mean is did it seem like he… uh… like her and Cullen…” Varric’s smile grew wider. “Oh… oh never mind.”

She stood up to walk away and turned as Varric grabbed her arm. He looked up at her with a serious expression on his face. 

“Varric?” 

“I’m sure we can arrange for you to have a threesome with Cullen and Hawke, if that’s what you’re asking.” A smile spread across her face as she shoved a laughing Varric off of his barstool.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mild sexual content in this chapter. Cullen and Evelyn attend the ball.

Evelyn opened the door to Cullen’s office, nervous as she was when she was a teenager. Maker, she could kill a thousand darkspawn but Cullen made her weak at the knees. 

“Cullen?” He lifted his head briefly from his reports.

“Inquisitor, is there something I can help you with?”

“We need to talk. Alone.” He nodded and joined her on the battlements. 

The conversation was awkward. They both had butterflies, and both felt foolish because of it. Cullen’s heart soared as she told him she wanted to be with him. He could never have imagined it this way. Not only was she gorgeous, she was the first woman that had awoken a fire in him; she made the nightmares slowly fade away, the lyrium withdrawals seem bearable… He roughly kissed her as soon as the scout, bringing Leliana’s report, turned away.

Shoving her against the battlement walls, he heard her surprised moan turn into an appreciative one as he kissed her hard. She kissed him back, furiously and passionate, both gripping each other tightly, pressing into each other. Their lips parted and a coy look came into her eyes. 

“That was what I wanted.”

Maker, the ball was horrible. Cullen would rather be a blood mage’s manservant than deal with the Orleasian “game”. But his woman, his Inquisitor… his Evelyn… She looked beautiful. Her movements, swaying through people, speaking smoothly with an easy charm, reflected her graceful fighting style. He wasn’t sure if she was more deadly with her words or her daggers. Cullen found himself watching her, ignoring the sloppy attempts at flirting from some of the nobles, only giving half hearted answers.

He kept his focus, but found himself worrying as Evelyn had to continuously leave the main area to search for Morrigan, for clues, for gossip… for the first time in over 10 years he couldn’t focus 100% on the mission at hand. 

But of course, he put on a face and kept all the focus he could muster. He watched the guards drag away the Dutchess while the Inquisitor stood beside Empress Celene and Briala, who shared the same loving look with each other. And after it was all over, he found Evelyn, distraught outside. He offered his hand and danced with her, both of them clumsy but happy. Evelyn looked up at him and gave him a deep kiss as they stopped spinning and swaying.

She pulled away and gazed into his eyes. “It’s so strange. One minute I feel so overwhelmed by what is happening- by what could have happened- by Corypheus. But then I find that when I turn my thoughts to you, none of that seems overwhelming as long as you are by my side.”

He smiled. “I was thinking the same thing, my lady.”

She laughed in response and he saw a devious sparkle in her eyes. “Cullen, we both know I’m not a lady.”

He studied her face for a moment before grabbing her roughly and shoving her against the wall so hard that the breath briefly left her. He was on her in a second, kissing her, forcing her mouth open and his tongue into it, feeling every curve of her body. His right hand found the small of her back and pressed forcefully into it, forcing her hips to grind on his. She moaned as she felt how hard he was, and as she felt it rubbing against her pussy. All of her composure left her as she felt herself melt into lust.

With his left hand he grabbed her hair and yanked her head back with a snap, kissing her neck. He pulled her head back up to face him, forcing her to look into his eyes, which had a dark look to them. 

“Evelyn…” he whispered into her ear. “I am a tormented man. I have desires… dark thoughts… I feel like if you don’t stop me I will take out every torment I have suffered on you.”

Their eyes locked and they were silent and still for a moment before she gave him the answer he wanted.

“Cullen, I am completely yours.”

With that response he pulled her head by her hair back again and bit her neck, pulling at the skin as she felt herself moaning and getting more wet by the second. They were both primal now- her urge to not be in control- even just for an hour- and his need to gain some control over his nightmares and urges- these desires were coming out physically. Cullen pressed his leg between Evelyn’s legs, roughly rubbing her up and down. The dull pain of it and sheer pleasure was making her grind her crotch into his leg, feeling the wetness coming through. His hand was still on her back, still pushing her into him. His fingers curled and he gripped her so tightly she cried out.

“Inquisitor, we need to speak-“

They pulled apart quickly, looking at Josephine with bashful expressions. Her eyes moved from Evelyn, who was sweaty and straightening her hair, to Cullen, who was rubbing the back of his neck. “You are needed inside. Your presence has been requested.” She was trying not to smile, as she backed up to get inside again.  
Cullen and Evelyn looked at each other and burst into laughter.


	7. Chapter 7

The temptation to take Evelyn was a reoccurring one. Cullen found he could turn his dreams to her- see her instead of the demon. Still, many nights he woke up sweating and miserable. Evelyn had discovered that he had quit taking lyrium, and had encouraged him to stay away from it. However, she couldn’t know the cost, the toll, it took on him. His blood burned, his head spun and he had fits of rage he couldn’t control. The urge to lock himself away was a strong one, just so no one would see this weakness, but he couldn’t. He had an entire army to command, and an enemy to fight. He also had a woman that he knew he loved. He loved Evelyn from the moment he saw her. 

The urge to take her, to make her his, was overwhelming. To come into her quarters, rip her clothes off and to fuck her... these thoughts were on his mind often. He imagined her moans when he pressed against her at the ball, remembered that sweet, trusting look she gave him as he twisted his fingers in her hair. 

She was intoxicating. Her graceful movements had become more and more sexual. She practically danced around him, sneaking touches and kisses in when she was back from her travels. He found himself doing things he wasn’t prone to doing- for example, picking flowers for her and leaving them in her quarters. Varric, Bull and Sera had caught him and they were determined not to let him live it down. 

Cullen didn’t mind. For the first time in quite a while, he was managing to not take something seriously. He felt more light hearted when the topic involved Evelyn, and had even chuckled along with the three of them. 

As for the Inquisition, it was making progress. They were expanding their influence, and they were close to tracking both Samson and Corypheus down. The battle was looming ahead of them, and it was a terrifying concept. But he remained optimistic- except at night.

He sat down at his desk and looked at the reports. “Andraste’s ass.” He hissed. Grey Wardens. They were tracking the Grey Wardens. He hadn’t been happy about this moment, often dismissing all but official conversation about the topic. He shouldn’t be, but he was sensitive about the Hero of Fereldan… Marie. The Warden Marie. 

He often wondered how she was doing. Leliana seemed to sense this, and to mention it to him. He ached for closure and felt the guilt of wondering how Marie was doing while he was with the Inquisitor. But those thoughts were fading, slowly but surely. The face of Marie in his dreams was changing to the face of the Inquisitor. 

Cullen sighed, and reached for a pen when his door burst open. Leliana strode in and approached him, with a look of urgency in his eyes.  
“Leliana, what’s going on?”

Her eyes flashed. “We have a problem.” Cullen felt his heart clench up. His eyes went past her to see an extremely bloodied and angry Dorian being held up by Solas.

No…

He couldn’t find words so she spoke again. “We believe the Inquisitor has been taken captive.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo I just realized there was a "rich text" option. Some of my editing wasn't added to previous chapters and some of my formatting wasn't correct. I'll probably edit those previous ones to make them easier to read. -_- Sorry loves!

Evelyn had indeed been captured. A trap had been laid out for her and her companions on the Storm coast by the red Templars. Evelyn had no idea- _she had no idea they had spotted her traveling._ Leliana’s messages had been intercepted; although Leliana was clever enough to encrypt them, it hindered them.

She woke up with a groan and put her hand to her throbbing head. She couldn’t see; it was pitch black and her eyes needed to adjust. She tried to remember how it happened.

The panic rose up in her chest as the memories came back to her…

They were investigating red Templars on the storm coast. They had entered a cave, a fortress. Inquisition forces had supposedly cleared the path to it. Evelyn didn’t pay attention to their faces; once they attacked from behind she realized they were Corypheus’s minions.

 She fought as bravely and as hard as she could. She pushed every ounce of strength into that battle, hoping that she would be killed before she was captured. One of the red Templars had appeared behind her as her strength started waning, stabbing her through her left shoulder. The searing pain caught her off guard, and in her exhaustion she lost her balance. The last thing she saw was a foot headed straight for the side of her head.

And then she saw nothing.

Her head was spinning. Where were Dorian, Cassandra and Blackwall? They had been traveling with her, had been ambushed just as she had. She was hyper focused on her own battle, but in her heart she knew it hadn’t gone well for them.

In a selfish moment she thought of him. Of his hair, his smell, his smile… she thought of the gentleness and love he showed her. And she also thought of the roughness he showed her, the other side of his personality. She loved it; craved it. She was goddess in the face of the public and a submissive house cat with him.

Her heart hurt. She might never see Cullen again. She never got to make love to him; to be fucked by him. All of these things raced through her mind as her eyes started to adjust. She shut them quickly to stop the tears.

_Now is not the time, Evelyn._

She opened them again and tried to look around. She lifted her hands and her feet and felt around her neck. She was hooked to a wall by a chain around her throat and her hands were bound. She slid her fingers over where the collar on her neck was obviously locked. The green glow of her hand was the only light. With a sick thought she remembered hearing a Templar shout about simply wanting to cut her hand off to take the anchor to their master. Another replied that it might not work that way; but they could cut off other body parts to bring if they wanted.

Her stomach churned. She would put on a brave face when the time comes, but right now she was fucking terrified. She knew she was being held for their master.

\--

Evelyn had no idea how long she was in that dark cell. It felt like an eternity but it couldn’t have been too long. She was thirsty, exhausted and in pain. Despite not eating, she didn’t have an appetite. Out of the silence around her she finally heard footsteps and voices as a door was opened.

The light was too much for her and she hid her face as she felt someone grab her chain. A clink signified that something had been unlocked. Evelyn’s heart sank as she realized they unhooked it from the wall- did they intend to lead her like a dog?

A hard jerk on the chain answered her question. She stumbled forward but was unable to catch herself as she fell, dangling by her neck as a red Templar held the other end. He was impatient and simply started walking with it, dragging her as she tried to keep her footing and started choking. The other red Templar laughed at the sight, and even grabbed her ankle while the other kept moving forward, effectively choking her more.

Finally the pulling stopped and she was thrust in front of someone. She looked up at the face in front of her. She felt a stoic expression rise up. _They will get nothing out of me._

“Inquisitor.” The man said, a hint of amusement in his voice. “We’ve never been formally introduced. My name is Samson.” She felt her face harden even more as she realized she did recognize him from Corypheus’s side at Haven.

She sat, on her knees looking up at him. “Sorry for the lack of formal introductions before, Samson. I was too focused on trying to cut your damn head off.” He looked amused at her reply.

“Evelyn, is it? Lady Trevelyn.”

She gave him nothing.

He paused for a moment before speaking again, with a thoughtful expression on his face. “We were going to take you to Corypheus, but now he is coming here. You see, if you escape- and I assure you there is no point trying, we wouldn’t want you to know where we are currently settled, correct?”

She remained silent and he spoke again.

“My sources have told me much about you, Evelyn.” Her name on his lips made her shiver with disgust as he leaned closer to her.

“Pardon me, Samson. If I could ask you to refer to me as ‘Inquisitor’...” She looked up defiantly. “I don’t think we’re close enough friends for you to refer to me by my name.”

He looked surprised and let out a laugh. “My dear, that sense of humor won’t last long. You will find nothing to laugh about here.”

Evelyn remained unshaken. “Where are my companions?”

“Dead, I’m afraid. We tried to take them in alive, but they simply were too damaged.”

Evelyn’s heart raced at this. Dead? If they were truly dead, at least they were spared of being captured but still… she felt something icy creep up inside her and she finally hung her head down, feeling a sob rising up.

He lifted her chin with his hand and looked her in the eyes. “We will break you, Inquisitor.”


	9. Chapter 9

Evelyn had been dragged back to the dark room. She didn’t know how long she was there. She was hungry and thirsty and the wound on her shoulder was throbbing- it had been carelessly wrapped and left, with blood still leaking from it. She tried to keep her head clear, but her thoughts kept going to Cullen.

Finally, someone came to drag her out again. They were much nicer the second time- allowing her to stand up and walk with her hands bound and the chain still around her neck. She was weak and shaky, but she would not let them see it. Once again she was brought to Samson.

“Leave us.” He ordered, and the Templars left, shutting the door behind them. She didn’t look at him; instead she stared straight ahead. He was silent for a bit before approaching her.

“I knew Cullen, you know.” Her throat clenched as he said this.

_No, please don’t bring Cullen into this. Please don’t use him against me._

_I can stand any torture but I cannot bear to have Cullen used against me._

Her face betrayed her and he smirked. He walked up to her and gave her a cruel smile. “We were Templars together. Then I became a beggar, starved for lyrium, helping apostates, while he served Meredith. But we all know how that worked out.”

He paused, judging her reaction. “Cullen would have made a fantastic servant of the Elder One. He proved his strength and skills many times before. By serving the Inquisition, he has betrayed us- betrayed his kind-“

“Cullen is NOT your kind!” Evelyn hissed, looking up at him. Her anger betrayed her. He knew. He knew about her and Cullen.

Samson let out a laugh. “My sources said that you two were involved. You must mean a great deal to him. Cullen has walls; he is bound to duty.” He leaned in close to her face again, knowing it unsettled her. “But if Cullen truly cares for you Inquisitor, it is a rare occurrence. To be frank, I want to be the one that one day deals with Cullen.” His eyes became even darker than before. “He is a traitor to the order- to me. He is weak. And I cannot wait to see the moment when he finds you, after the Elder One has taken care of you.”

Is this lyrium addiction or has he always been mad? Evelyn did not break her gaze, even though she felt his breath on her.

She flinched as his hands went up, stroking her hair. He wrapped a few strands around his fingers, almost tenderly. “He has chosen quite the prize.” He moved back, studying her face. “I certainly would keep you as a pet. It’s a pity things didn’t work out differently, you’d make such a great addition to the side of true power.”

She tried to keep her face blank as she focused past him. His gaze was unwavering. His eyes took her in; she felt them looking at every curve of her body, studying her face. The flesh was visible under her torn armor. She felt a chill run down her spine. In an instant his hand was around her throat, squeezing with a strength red lyrium must have given him. His face was close to hers again.

“Those beautiful grey eyes, this raven black hair… your beauty is something I haven’t seen matched.” He hesitated, looking down at her breasts. “Tell me, Inquisitor: has Cullen taken you yet?”

She felt her eyes water up but tried to keep her face blank.

“Has Cullen fucked you yet?” His hand gripped tighter above her steel collar, causing her to choke. Things went red before he let go, causing her to fall face first to the ground, gasping for air. She couldn’t catch herself with her bound hands and hit the ground hard, the side of her face slamming into the stone beneath them. She cried out as her injured shoulder was jerked and more blood came out. The mark was making her hand throb; how she itched to use it on him, to rip him to shreds...

Samson rolled her over and studied her before ripping off her armor, leaving her breasts exposed. They were beautiful; full and perky, with tempting small pink nipples. They were heaving as she gasped for air, and as fear started to take her. He didn’t touch them; his hand went straight to her crotch and he started rubbing it, relishing her frightened reaction.

“Not so tough now, are you Inquisitor?”

She looked up at him and spit right in his face. He didn’t move at first, simply stared at her before striking her face, jerking her head to the side. He pressed his fingers into her injured shoulder, pressing the bandages into the still open wound. She cried out as he twisted his fingers. She felt his fingers leave her bloody shoulder and then felt a fist hit her square in the stomach, causing her to wretch and curl up.

“What I ought to do…” He said, clenching his teeth as she writhed in pain. “…is fuck you with a piece of pure red lyrium.” She froze as she heard this.

He leaned in even closer. “I’ve seen the power it’s given to so many- the taint and control it has spread to the Templars. What would it do to that tight pussy of yours?” His hand went back to her crotch, rubbing it. “I will make your body betray you.”

She was still in so much pain she didn’t react much. She needed a plan. She needed to get out of this. This could not happen... was not happening…

His face came down with no warning as he bit her breast hard. His teeth ripped into her, and she felt some flesh get pulled away. The pain caused her to thrust her body, to thrust her pussy more into his hand involuntarily. He looked her in the eyes. His eyes were wild; he had blood on his mouth. He sat on top of her, twisting her still bound arms underneath her and pinning her. He brought his hand from her crotch and watched her for a moment, as if contemplating what to do before hitting her face again.

He moved his fingers swiftly towards her face as she reacted to the blow and stuck two in her mouth, down her throat. She started gagging- he still had lightly armored gloves on so he didn’t react to her teeth. He covered her nose, making her gag on his fingers while trying to breath. He started grinding against her while doing this, his erection rubbing hard into her pussy through their armor.

“You beautiful bitch…” he gasped, looking at her. “You fucking Inquisition whore, I’ll teach you to oppose the Elder one.” He shoved all of his fingers in her mouth, feeling her throat. “I’ll break you and make you an example. I’ll break you first, and Corypheus will break you more. No one will oppose us.” He moved the hand covering her nose so she could breathe through it again and ripped straight through the front of her armor, exposing just the top of her panties.

She could see the fucking red lyrium in his veins. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks. Maker please, let me die before this happens… not like this. Please…

The door burst open and a hot burst hit Samson, forcing him off. He yelled out of pure anger; Dorian was standing at the doorway, staff in hand. An arrow show past him, going straight through Samson's armor as Varric appeared behind him.

“Cullen!” Evelyn had never been so grateful in her life as she saw Cullen shove past Dorian, dropping the severed head of a red Templar from his hand.

“Samson, I will put you through the pain of a thousand deaths for what you have done to her!” He roared, his eyes wild. Samson waved his hand, bringing red lyrium crystals around him, temporarily blocking him. A Behemoth broke part of the door behind Cullen, who turned around, swinging his sword at the gigantic mutation of humanity behind him. He swung without mercy; without any thought but killing them all. A bruised but alive Blackwall, assisted by Dorian and Varric quickly burnt and cut the Behemoth to pieces.

Cullen ran to Evelyn, looking past her. Samson had vanished. He scooped up Evelyn and yelled once again.

“SAMSON. I WILL FIND YOU.” He brought his head to Evelyn’s and pressed his forehead against hers. “I will find him.”

She gazed up at him. His face was covered in blood that was not his. The rest of his force was standing back, except Solas who stepped to her, ready to heal.

Her voice was faint, shaky. “He said you were dead.” She motioned towards Dorian and Blackwall. "And he said Cassandra was..."

“He lied.” Dorian replied simply.

Cullen turned to face them. “Make sure the perimeter and area are still secure. Slaughter any of Corypheus’s forces- no mercy. Prepare to leave; we must go before the Elder one comes or before Samson brings back up.” He looked at her again.

“I’m here love.” His voice was gentle as everyone left the room, while Blackwall stood guard at the door.

Evelyn sobbed into Cullen, her body hurting as she heaved. Her armor wasn’t completely off so the torn parts were covering her but Cullen feared the worst. He touched her face softly as they locked eyes.

“My love… Evelyn… did he…?” He cut the bindings on the ropes so her hands were free and she touched his face.

“No.” Relief swept over Cullen’s face at the answer. “but it was close.”

“We don’t have much time.” Cullen stated. “Let’s get the chain off of your neck and go to Skyhold.”

He scooped her up and carried her in his arms out of her nightmare.


	10. Recovery

Inquisition forces made sure to devastate the fortress. They didn’t have the manpower to fight him should he appear there; and they needed the Inquisitor healed. They left for Skyhold, spies lingering behind to make sure they weren’t being followed.

Evelyn was healed as much as possible by Solas. Cullen couldn’t stand to look at her as she rested, instead pacing in front of her door. He would kill Samson. Cullen was relieved that he hadn’t raped her, but if they hadn’t of gotten there when they did…

He punched a wall and instantly regretted it. He gripped his throbbing hand. He had failed her again, after giving his word that he wouldn’t. She had been captured.

He had led the force to find her as soon as Leliana tracked her, despite Josephine objecting. They found Dorian, Blackwall and Cassandra, heavily injured nearby, healing themselves and preparing to find her. He didn’t wait for them to fully recover.  He ripped through opposing armies; shredded them apart with his sword, crushing them with his shield. Some new recruits, not so affected by red lyrium yet, begged for mercy.

He gave them none.

He sat at his desk, staring at his reports. They were a blur to him. The lyrium withdrawal made his rage and lack of focus more apparent. A noise made him jump as Evelyn leaned on his door. He jumped up and embraced her, kissing her deeply. The kisses were desperate and they held each other tightly. It was apparent she was almost healed; only her shoulder was giving her pain. He sensed her exhaustion, her mental fatigue from her experience. He pulled back and looked at her face, grateful to see her. He kissed her forehead.

“I will find him.” He looked at her eyes. “I will kill him for what he did to you… and for what he intended to do.” To his surprise, she smiled at him and kissed him once more, a gentle kiss.

“Thank you for rescuing me.”

Her smile reassured him and calmed some of the rage inside of him. He put his hand gently to her face, feeling the warmth, before turning and pacing before she spoke.

“We must be patient. Dagna can help us destroy his armor. Then we will get him. I’m just as eager as you to get the bastard.” She stepped forward and touched his arm. “But right now? In this very moment? It’s okay Cullen. I’m here.”

“If I was just a moment later, Evelyn… if we hadn’t of found you…” his voice was frantic.

She put her hands in his face, encouraging him to look at her. “But you weren’t a moment later. You did find me. You weren’t too late.” She gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I’m here, Cullen.”

He looked at her. “I will not lose you.”

She smiled. “I know.” She looked down at her feet. “Cullen, I haven’t been sleeping well. May I stay in your quarters tonight?”

He thought of his own nightmares, which were even more lyrium driven now. But he shook them off and held her. “I haven’t been sleeping well either. Perhaps we can both get some well deserved rest.”

Evelyn fully intended to seduce Cullen that night.  As she climbed up the ladder and into his bed, she rubbed her pussy to get herself in the mood. Her traumatizing moment with Samson made her more desperate for physical action. She wanted Cullen to fuck her; to take control of her. That way she could wipe out Samson’s disgusting face and replace it with Cullen’s handsome, scarred face. That fear that she hid deep in her heart from her experience could be replaced with love, and hopefully an orgasm or two.

However, she passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow and slept through the night.

The same could not be said for Cullen. He was eager to sleep, for once. He wanted to lay next to her warm body, to hold her close. He would protect his Inquisitor, one way or the other. As he pulled off his armor and got into bed, he embraced her, noting her deep sleep. He smiled as he drifted off.

Any eagerness for sleep was ruined for Cullen. His nightmares were back with a vengeance.


	11. Cullen's nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's nightmares start to feel too real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> *Descriptions of Rape in this chapter.*

Nothing made sense. Where was he??

Evelyn left him a note, asking him to meet her near Lake Calenhad. _Why does she want to meet there?_ He wondered, wandering through the foggy night. Maker, it was a foggy night.

He didn’t remember how he got there, weaving in and out of the fog, in and out of awareness. He saw Evelyn, standing naked in front of the lake, her back turned to him. Her body was curvy; perfect. He could see the outline of her ass and the outline of her bare body.

With a smile, he stepped forward again. He didn’t want to look away; Andraste’s ass, he didn’t want to look at anything else ever again. He took one more step.

A loud snap caught his attention as a searing pain shot up from his leg. He looked down in bewilderment. A leg trap? He looked at the blood coming out of his ankle and looked up again. Evelyn turned to face him. Her mouth was bound and her hands were tied again. Samson appeared behind her, laughing.

“Cullen you fool!” His voice sounded like it was a booming echo, not a real voice. He felt restraints being slapped on him. He tried to resist but he felt so sluggish, so slow…

He tried to speak but the fog seemed to penetrate his mouth.

He tried to look away, but he couldn’t look at anything but her.

Samson’s eyes were wild. He grabbed the back of Evelyn’s neck and pushed her down to her knees, facing Cullen. He kept his grip tight as he spoke. “Look, Inquisitor. Look at your commander. Look how weak he is!” Evelyn’s eyes were wide, laced with tears. “He can’t help you now!” Samson pulled her over and flipped her facedown over a log.

He faced Cullen, stripping his armor off. “This is the woman you love, Cullen?” His smile grew wide as Cullen’s heart raced.

“You should have sided with us, Cullen. You would have been so powerful. Instead you became weak. Following that fool Leliana and her weak ambassador, Josephine. You chose the wrong side.” Samson was wearing nothing now. He stuck a finger in Evelyn’s pussy, who cried out through the gag. “You abandoned me in Kirkwall and you abandoned me afterwards as well. Well Cullen… look how tight and wet the Inquisitor’s pussy is! Look how wet I’m making her.”

He pulled his finger out, which was soaked from Evelyn’s pussy. He walked over to Cullen and stuck the wet finger in Cullen’s mouth. Cullen tried to resist but it tasted so good and he was so… stuck. The fog was in his head now.

“She tastes good, doesn’t she Cullen? See how weak your Inquisitor is now? She’s nothing but a dog; a dirty bitch to be kept on a leash.” He spit, watching once again over to Evelyn. His eyes were dark. “And I’m going to fuck her like the bitch she is.”

Samson grabbed the back of Evelyn’s head and shoved her face down into the mud, so deep she was struggling to breath as he rammed his cock into her pussy. Her pussy tightened around him as he felt her scream. Cullen felt rage overtake him but he felt completely helpless as he watched Samson start to fuck Evelyn.

Evelyn’s screams were muffled by the mud as Samson penetrated her, shoving his whole cock into her exposed, beautiful pussy. Samson was laughing, pushing her head down further into the mud with one hand while holding her bound hands with the other. He moaned as he pushed every inch of himself inside of her as hard as he could, with every intention to hurt her as much as possible.

He looked at Cullen with gleaming eyes as he pulled Evelyn’s face up from the mud, showing it to Cullen as he was forced to look into her tear filled eyes. He let go of her head, letting it fall. He kept fucking her,  hissing that she was a dirty slut, a stupid bitch. She screamed suddenly as Cullen realized that he had stuck a finger up her ass. No lube, no warning. Samson struggled to get two fingers in there while still fucking her. “I’m going to rip you in half with my cock!” He hollered gleefully. He looked up at Cullen again.

“Cullen! Your bitch is cumming for me!” Cullen tried to look away but he couldn’t. Samson started laughing, and evil, cruel laugh. “Cum, you stupid bitch! I can feel you cumming! You love it when I fuck you!” He spit out, a cruel smile on his face.

Cullen broke out of his restraints and swung-

“Cullen, wake up!”

-hitting a vase near his bed. He shot up, soaking in sweat and panicked while he felt small but powerful arms wrap around him.

“Wake up! Cullen, you’re dreaming!” His eyes darted around the room before recognizing Evelyn’s concerned face and his own quarters. He was completely tense and couldn’t let himself relax.

Cullen took a deep, shaky breath and wrapped his strong arms around Evelyn, as she continued to hold him. He gripped her tightly, unwilling to let her go.

He cursed himself, even though it was just a nightmare, for his weakness; his inability to rescue her.

She didn’t say anything- she simply sat in his bed, holding him and letting him grip her tightly. Finally, his breathing slowed and he started to relax. He finally loosened his hold on her and pulled away, looking at her face.

Her eyes were concerned as they stared into his. “Cullen, are you alright?”

He cleared his throat. “Just a nightmare, nothing more. Lyrium withdrawal makes them worse.”

She didn’t break her gaze. “You shouted my name out. What happened in your nightmare?”

He forced a laugh and laid back down, pulling her into his chest. “I don’t even remember, my love. It was simply a dream. I’m sorry to have alarmed you.” He kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

His lie satisfied her as her eyes fluttered shut. He felt her breathing get steady and her body relax into his. He felt her steady breathing against his body as she slept. His eyes remained open, staring at the hole in his ceiling. He looked up at the stars, and saw nothing but Evelyn’s frightened eyes stare back down at him.


	12. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content in this chapter.

Cullen stared apprehensively at Evelyn. She was getting ready to leave with her party for the first time since being captured. His head knew that she was strong, and that now she would be careful.

That, however, did not stop his heart from worrying. She caught his eye and smiled, meeting his gaze. She held up a finger.

_One moment._

Cullen was content to watch her. He admired her grace and her strength. She has a traumatic experience and she did acknowledge that, but she was using it to fuel herself against the Red Templars and the Elder One.  Maker’s breath, there wasn’t a woman in the world like her.

He watched her cat like eyes flutter as she laughed, her cool grey eyes strangely warm and welcoming. Her hair was carelessly pulled up and out of the way. Her skin had become more tan and her lips were still the most enticing pair he had ever seen. She was everything a woman should be.

Nodding to recruit she had been speaking with, she slid over to Cullen.

He smiled. “Care to take a quick walk before you go?”

Her returned smile was genuine. “I’d walk with you anywhere, Cullen.”

They walked to the battlements in silence, simply enjoying the presence of each other. He knew he shouldn’t take up her time. He, of all people, shouldn’t keep everyone waiting for her return. Her fingers slid in between his and she smiled at him.

Cullen could feel his heart melting as he stopped and looked at her. He leaned over and kissed her gently. “Evelyn. I can’t help but to worry about you.” He hesitated to see her reaction. Her blank face gave him nothing.

He cleared his throat. “I know how strong you are. You’ve proven time and time again that you can handle yourself. But if the last trip’s events repeat themselves… if you are hurt again…”

Her hand was on the side of his face, tenderly stroking it with his thumb. “If I am captured, commander, then you will come for me.” Her face was serious as she let his powerful arms embrace her. She leaned her face into his chest. She looked up with a smile.

“But I am too fast for them. And now, I am too cunning for their traps. And if I find Samson while I am out there I will save him for you.”

He chuckled and put his hand on the back of her head. “I will hold you to that. To all of that.”

He lowered his voice. “I will worry about you every moment you are gone. You will not be far from my thoughts.”

“Cullen, what can I do to comfort you?”

He studied her face for a moment, taking in her beauty. “Inquisitor, you can get on your knees.”

His commanding voice made her pause a moment, before a coy look came across her face. She lowered herself to one knee, purposefully widening her eyes to make herself look innocent.

Cullen felt his cock twitch at the sight, and at the thought that she hadn’t questioned what he had said. He wasn’t sure she would approve and had planned to joke his way out of it if she hadn’t.

“Commander.” She purred. “I am on my knees for you.”

Without hesitation he grabbed her hair again, tilting her head so she had to look at him. “Take off my lower armor.”

“Commander, I don’t have all day.” She replied with a laugh, looking at his layers of armor.

He smiled warmly, still gripping her hair. “Then you’d better hurry. You’re not leaving until you’ve made me cum.”

Evelyn eagerly started attempting to take his armor off. Other than at the ball, they hadn’t done anything overly sexual. His controlling ways and tight grip on her hair made her wet.

To the world, she was the strong Inquisitor. But to Cullen, she wanted to be a pet; to be soft and fluid. It was her break away from the terrifying world she faced.

Cullen looked around to see if anyone was near as the breeze went through his blonde hair. He felt his cock come out of his armor and looked back down at her. Without hesitation he pushed her head forward onto it.

She gagged as it went straight down her throat, taking in his impressive size with no resistance. He used both of his hands to hold her head firmly as he started fucking her throat, moaning with intense pleasure.

He was no virgin by any means, but he had never had a mouth feel so good. He felt her tongue rubbing and curling the underside of his cock while she occasionally gagged and choked.

He shoved it all the way down her throat and held it there. “Look at me!”

She looked up at him. Her make up was running down her face and tears were streaming down. For a moment his heart skipped a beat as he remembered his dream. But a devious look told him she was enjoying it, and the tears were simply from her gag reflux that she was fighting against.

He stroked her face with one hand, keeping his cock firmly down her throat as her face was pressed against his stomach.

“Do you like my cock in your throat, Inquisitor?”

She moaned in reply, trying to form words but failing.

“I couldn’t understand that.” He twisted her hair and she tried to speak again. He pulled his cock out of her throat as she gasped for air. He held her face and looked her in the eyes.

“Evelyn, you don’t want to be late, do you?” she shook her head. “I told you, you aren’t going until you make me cum. So you better be a good girl and make me cum quickly. Otherwise you’ll have to explain to everyone exactly why we are late.”

She nodded and opened her mouth. It was glorious for him as he shoved his cock back down her throat. He started fucking her throat hard and fast in an animalistic, relentless manner. It didn’t take long before he felt himself swell up. He felt his cum shoot down her throat and moaned, pumping her face.

They sat for a moment, as he pulled his cock out and slid down the wall of the battlements, breathing hard. She snuggled up to him and smiled.

“You are a gift from Andraste herself, alright.” He muttered with a smile. He looked at her and wiped away some of her make up. “Are you alright?”

She smiled that devious smile. “I very much enjoyed that, Cullen.”

He chuckled. “Good girl.”

She hesitated as she stood up. “Now I have a problem. You’re sending me into battle and I’m so wet I can hardly think straight.” She smiled. “That isn’t fair, is it?”

He pulled his armor back on and looked at her. “Come back to me safe Evelyn. Then I will return the favor… and then some.”

She pouted at him as he laughed and kissed her forehead. They walked back down to where Dorian, Iron Bull and Sera were gathered, waiting to depart.

“Fashionably late, I see?” Dorian asked.

The Inquisitor straightened her daggers and laughed, adjusting her armor. “Sorry Dorian. Cullen gave me a mouthful before I could leave.” She winked at Iron Bull and Sera who started laughing while Dorian rolled his eyes and turned to Cullen.

“Do I get a mouthful too, commander?” he said with a playful smirk.

Cullen’s face turned red as he stammered and rubbed the back of his neck.

There wasn’t a woman like her.


	13. Thoughts

The sounds of the wilderness filled Evelyn’s ears. Cool breezes made her hold herself tightly, wrapped in layers of clothing. She was looking up to the stars and felt lost in them.

Every single star spelt out Cullen’s name. She saw his face in the moon, felt his warmth in the fire and heard his voice in the wind.

She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply, with nothing but Cullen on her mind.

Light whispering brought her back to the present.  Evelyn wasn’t alarmed; it was merely a scout speaking to another at camp. In fact, she noticed that there was a large amount of scouts out lately in their camps. Some were even mixed in with the locals of Crestwood; spies that effortlessly weaved in and out of society without notice.

Leliana’s doing, of course. Cullen probably had a part in it as well. If he could not escort her, he would protect her in any way he could.

Water was flowing onto the coast, much more gently than at the Storm Coast. Instead of crashing it was gently massaging land, lapping up the sand to wash it out to sea.  Evelyn hated the rifts, but the warm green glow underneath the water was oddly beautiful, even though she could feel her hand ache and swell with the swirling light of the rift.

 _How are we going to close that?_ She wondered. Her eyes were focused on the rift, but glazing over as exhaustion was creeping up on her. She yawned and laid down, checking to make sure the scouts and guards at camp were wide awake. She deserved some rest, and more than that she _needed_ it.

She turned her thoughts to Cullen for comfort to stop the endless cycle of thoughts about the underwater rift. Cullen gave her a peace and comfort she had never found before. She had always felt like something was missing; like she had a hole inside of her. Intuitively she knew no one could fill it but herself, but Cullen came close.

A smile played on her lips as she thought about the day she departed Skyhold. She loved pleasuring him. She just loved… him. As she faded off to sleep, she thought about warm, naked bodies thrusting on top of each other and Cullen’s strong arms around her.

 

\--

Evelyn cried out as her entire arm ached. She felt the energy moving through her arm, out the tip of her fingers and into the fade rift. Her hand was burning but at this point it felt natural, like the anchor was simply an extension of her hand. 

Almost closed…

She cried out as she felt her hand pulse and throb. The rift hadn’t closed; it merely been disrupted. Again.

A slew of demons poured out of it, hungry and maddened. She turned around to face Varric, who was panting and hunched over, hands clutching Bianca.

“Another wave! Varric, are you alright?” she shouted at the dwarf.

His head snapped up and a flash of a grin came across his face. He held Bianca up and shot a demon with amazing fluidity. “Never better.” He answered as he stood up straight, taking a fighting stance. Evelyn turned to focus on battle, vanishing before the demon’s very eyes. Using all of her energy, she ran behind a Terror demon, daggers in hand. Her aching legs pushed her off the ground as she held the daggers high above it and thrust them downwards with all her might, using her angle to help her momentum. The demon cried out, the high pitched noise almost hurting her ears and she gracefully landed, vanishing without a trace again.

She gritted her teeth and leapt forward, holding her bloody daggers with pure determination.

Cullen cried out in pain, grabbing his desk for support. He wasn’t sure whether the pain was coming from his body or his mind, but it was intense nonetheless. He was thankful for locked doors and privacy.

He looked up at the lyrium he had set out but not touched. The sweat poured down his face and the thoughts that accompanied the pain wouldn’t get out of his head. He swung his hand around, smashing another hole in the wood paneling of a shelf. He felt glad that Evelyn wasn’t there to see him this weak again.

Alongside that thankful feeling was a childlike fear and desperation.  He leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily, feeling how wet his clothing was from the cold sweat. He should take the lyrium for Evelyn. With lyrium he could protect her, pour his everything into taking care of her and the Inquisition. He was being selfish by holding out, by being a stubborn child and not taking it.

He opened his eyes and looked at the lyrium, breathless. He stared at it a long time; he wasn’t sure if it was seconds or hours of just staring. Slowly, his eyes shifted as he saw a sturdy ribbon that Evelyn had left. She used it in her hair, to tie it back. She had left it there after sleeping with him. He stumbled forward from the wall, reaching towards the lyrium.

His hand missed the lyrium and closed around the ribbon. He grasped it with both hands, shaking violently. He sat down against the wall, knees to his chest like a child, pressing the ribbon against his forehead, balled up in his fists. He sat like this, taking in her comfort. He didn’t even know that he had chosen her over the lyrium, and that he would choose her over the Inquisition, his duty and anything else.

He sat like this for some time before he heard a knock on his door. His eyes opened quickly and he stood up swiftly. He wiped the sweat from his face and strode to the door. The nervous scout that had a report from Leliana gazed up at him. Cullen’s face was stoic, strong. His stance was proud and full of power. The scout stammered and handed the report to Cullen, turning to complete his duties, unaware at what had transpired.


	14. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck this chapter, to be honest. I wanted them to do it but every time I wrote the scene it came out wrong. So I apologize for the short chapter to anyone reading. :)

Evelyn stumbled out of the cave, soaking wet. They had shut the rift but it was a hell of a fight.

“Sunlight!” Dorian shouted gleefully. “That dreary cave was doing nothing for my complexion.”

Evelyn smiled as they kept climbing out, headed back to the village of Crestwood. She was pleased with herself and their progress. The walk back was quiet. No one really spoke, and nothing attacked. A few creatures scampered past them with nothing more eventful occurring.

As they neared the Mayor’s house, she heard voices shouting.

“What do you mean the Mayor’s gone?”

Evelyn looked quizzically at her traveling companions, who gave her the same blank look back.

Why would the mayor leave right when they closed the rift? She sighed and went to his hut to try to figure out what happened. The stillness in his hut didn’t feel quite right. She saw a note from him on the desk and picked it up.

She felt something rise in her chest as she read it.

He flooded the old town on purpose? He purposefully trapped people down there? So they could drown? A chill ran down her spin. She put the note down as Dorian, Varric and Iron Bull started to step into the hut. Without another word she grabbed a chair and flung it as hard as she could against the wall of the hut.

Her friends sat in silence as Dorian grabbed the note to read it. He sighed and passed it on, too tired for wit.

Evelyn pushed past them to go outside, walking to the outskirts of town. She sat down on a rock, staring forward. Her rage was passing at the Mayor’s actions, but it was replaced with questions. She looked around her. She found Crestwood oddly peaceful. It was rainy, and could even be perceived as gloomy with the storms that didn’t seem to go away, but she found peace in the beauty there. She thought about the people who died. The mayor had made a tough call- in her heart she knew he was wrong.

Why was she so enraged about it? It was horrible that he had doomed all of those people, but she had seen many atrocities. This one affected her more than any of the past ones so far. As she sat in silence, contemplating this, she realized the answer and her heart sunk.

Cullen sat at his desk, as usual. His brow was furrowed and he was focusing perhaps a little too hard. The door jerked and he looked up. A smile came across his face as he saw Evelyn slide into his office, quietly shutting the door behind her. He jumped up without hesitation and embraced her, pulling her in tight. “My love.” He whispered in her ear. “I thought of you every moment you were away.”

She said nothing in reply, but held him tighter. He looked down, a bit worried about her silence. But he saw an expression that was lost in thought, perhaps with worry. He stepped back.

“How was Crestwood?”

She laughed. “Honestly? Reminded me of the Storm Coast. Overall I enjoyed it. Very pretty. People were terrified, and I can’t blame them.” She hesitated, wanting to say more.

He sensed her discomfort. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed. “The Mayor of Crestwood purposefully doomed a whole town.”

Cullen nodded. “Yes, I read Leliana’s report. Don’t worry Inquisitor, we’ll track him down.”

Her eyes met his, and she took note of the fact that as soon as it switched to Inquisition news, he called her by her title, not her name. Like he had to keep the Inquisition and her separate. Despite her preoccupation, she wondered if this attitude he had would be trouble in the future.

She cleared it from her head. “I’m nobility, but I’m not used to being a leader. It made me wonder.” She looked up, almost hoping he’d interject. No, he was going to let her finish. She sighed. “I’ve heard the Blight causes a horrible death. And it’s hard to stop. I see where the mayor is coming from, though I don’t agree. I’d like to think I’d make a different decision with Skyhold, with the Inquisition. But it made me think… if I got put in the position, what would I do?”

He studied her face for a moment. She untied the braids from her head, letting it hang down her face. “It’s stupid, I’m sorry for saying anything.”

Cullen put his hand on the side of her face and smiled. “Inquisitor, when Haven fell, you stayed behind. It’s a miracle you survived. You didn’t expect to. I saw it in your eyes when I…” shame washed over him. “…when I left you there. You are brave to the point where you’re stupid about it.” She laughed at that and put her face in his chest again.

He kissed her head. “A good leader knows that you might have to make sacrifices to win the big picture. A great leader is one that knows you can’t complete a puzzle without all of the pieces, and can’t build a kingdom without foundation.”

She smiled. “Thank you Cullen.”

He continued to hold her, contemplating the lie he just told her. Sacrifices were necessary. You couldn’t save everything.

He couldn’t save everything.

Evelyn took a step back and held his hand. “I’m just tired of playing the leader. For five minutes, I’d love to not be Inquisitor.” She gave a short laugh. “Just for five minutes though. I’m a great Inquisitor.”

“That you are.” He chuckled. He paused for a moment, looking off into nowhere. She edged her feet a bit, waiting for the silence to pass before he looked at her again.

“I love you Evelyn.”

She smiled and her eyes lit up. “I know, Cullen.” She leaned her face forward and gave him a kiss, biting his lower lip softly before pulling away. She turned to leave and Cullen looked back down at his work.

“Cullen?” He looked up and saw her in his doorway, looking back at him.

“Yes my love?”

“I’m going to draw myself a bath in my quarters after meeting with Leliana to discuss a missing spy. Would you care to meet me in about twenty minutes? After all of this, I could use a relaxing night.”

He chuckled. “Couldn’t we all? Yes. I’ll sneak away.” He looked back down as a smile played on Evelyn’s lips.


End file.
